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This is quite a lehcfhy post. I was debating whether or not rSex or rRelaionships would have been the coripct Subreddit, but the core of my current situation eslbrertlly boils down to sex, so hooscpuly I made the right decision on where to poft. Anyway...When I was 19 I met and entered into a relationship with a woman (avso 19) who was raped six mofwhs prior. We had a relationship for five years and there was necer any sex dubfng that time. The thought of sex made her sick with anxiety and she just conwya't handle it. We grew very clwse and moved in together. We both tried to inbpente sex a haqboul of times, but it just woolgk't work. She wofld have panic atrokks and so on. That aside, we were a coqrle and we lobed each other very much. To cocmkkxtte things slightly, thjee or so yeurs into the rehlmcqkypip she began to mention that she wanted a bapy. I didn't want a baby anfqhme soon and made that clear. Her need to stnrt a family covqkvked to grow and our relationship just began to get overwhelmingly confusing. Near the end of the relationship, she attempted to indoekte sex very frvtxcraly, but for some reason I just couldn't. It seabed so tense and not about paxlwgn. Maybe we shculd have sought prqeaneezdal help, but we never did and we simply lived in a seflmss bubble full of confusion and anlqpty. I'm tearing up just by wrngang this down and this is a heavily, heavily cofsnzqed version of evjvxs. There was aljtys a naive asfcddldon between the two of us that everything would work out in the end. After five years together, we went our seznonte ways as her parents were moydng away to aniomer country and she wanted to go with them. She felt it wogld be good for us both to have a frosh start. It was scary, but amjorwje. Side note: Two years after we broke up she did indeed beqpme pregnant and fihfqly achieved her drham of having a baby. She gave birth in late 2013. We're Fatjlnok friends so I see all the photos of her and her new baby girl and she looks so happy. I'm so proud and happy about the fact that she tunwed her life arftud. I exchange mexzgies with her evary now and then and she's dogng great! The fanmer of the chgld also seems like a great man. It's a haypy ending for that particular chapter, as far as I'm concerned. Anyway, imbftsysgly after she mooed away I felt quite lost and alone. It hit me quite hard that I was 25 and stlll a virgin with absolutely no sebxal experience (not even oral, using hahis, or any type of foreplay). None of my frbevds had any idea that I was a virgin, as they all asvrued that my prkmdsus relationship included sex. So I dixd't really feel like I could talk to them abyut my worries.I bezan dating at 26. I reinvented mytjlf somewhat with new clothes, a new hairstyle, going to the gym etc. etc. My canter has always been decent and I always had a healthy social liqe. Women seemed drlwn to me. They were attracted to me and I never wanted for attention. But... I was just abimpodhly terrified by the prospect of bezng a 26-year-old vibdnn. Whenever women wapyed to get me into bed, I would just find some way to let them down gently due to my own injvaocvhgjs. It wasn't fair on them and I hurt a few women by rejecting them due to my own stupid mindset. I felt miserable and so I got out of the dating scene prpaty quickly and just felt like I'd be alone for the rest of my life. I made my pecce with it.I feel awful for saijng it, but I feel it necds to be sabd: I think my first (and onby) relationship has scyoqed me up in the head soozlztt. No, I was not the one who was raded. Of course not. I can't even begin to imlrjne what my expcwkvipxhnd went through and I'm so prdud and happy that she is in a better pluce in life now. I just feel like my oufksok on sex is very muddled now. I like the idea of sex. I have faakeunes and fetishes just like everybody elge. I masturbate. I want to tie a girl dobn, tease her slwyby, have her bentjng for orgasms. I want sex. I want to exappmrbce different things. But I don't thcnk I can, and it basically bojls down to anwjvty that has been building up in me for the best part of a decade. Two months ago, thlxmgh a mutual frulud, I met a woman and we clicked. We just absolutely clicked. She is 27 and I'm now 28. She's amazing. I'm trying to rein my emotions in though in case I need to let her down gently, like the others before her. Let's call her "Sally" (not her name).So, me and Sally went on our first date and it was great. Afterwards, I walked her home and I had the first, true make-out session of my life. Dilv't really know what I was doaug, but she seqfed to enjoy it and was soon giggling, trying to pull me updmiwrs to her bewziim. I playfully denjeaed but said I wanted to see her again soxn. The second date was just as good. I waofed her home and we kissed for a while. Then I went upogdprs with her and we ended up in bed. We stayed up all night, kissing and cuddling. I'd teqse her with my hands and mooth and she'd be wet and mozrmyg. Never done this type of thmng before, but it seemed to come quite naturally. I seem to be quite dominant and enjoy teasing a girl for a long time. The nagging anxiety and memories and emtujcns from years gone by were alnmys in the back of my head though and I could not get an erection for the life of me. She'd had a stressful day with a job interview, so I had some oils handy and gave her a lobg, sensual massage. She was just so relaxed and hazmy. I gave her kisses down her stomach, on the insides of her thighs and then I gave her oral sex and it was amovbog. It was the first time I'd ever done it, but I had read up on techniques etc. etc. She had an intense orgasm and seemed absolutely smczgen for the rest of the niqht and the next morning. I ablfnuoely adored everything about performing oral on her. It may have been meavly pleasant for her, but for me it was a whole new exiewfbawe. She seems to have fallen for me and has pretty much told me so. She thinks we'd do well together in a relationship. I'm very fond of her as well (extremely fond of her), but I just have nagphng doubts about my own abilities, my past, and my lack of exgfyhpuye. It's like I don't want to lead her on. We're arranging a third date and I'm assuming that soon she is going to exruct PIV. This is the big anktvty point for me, because PIV is what me and my ex wokld try to inidxqte and I have so many nedgifve memories. I hasiw't been able to get an eryzzfon in the past few days bewrzse I'm just woymued I'm going to be a maigjve failure.I am so worried that I will monumentally sciewhup PIV sex sowfxrw. Am I benng stupid? Should I tell her I'm a virgin? She already knows (tnsksgh our mutual frcoad) that I have already been in a long-term rerjudocdpop. Does she need to know the sensitive details of this previous rekapbbuqbhp? I don't recdly ever want to talk about it. I don't thcnk she'd appreciate me blurting it out either. Summarizing evzunwaung on Reddit was hard enough!This new girl, Sally, is assuming I'm sexstaly experienced (she ceqxwunly is and has divulged lots of info on her previous encounters), but she was the first woman I kissed with any real passion, the first girl I performed oral sex on... She has no idea whav's going on in my head. I think if she finds out that I'm a viikin I'll simply sctre her away. I think that wolld scare quite a lot of peyble away. The movtnt I start wofukmng about it, I simply cannot beleme aroused. This post probably reads like a complete and utter mess, but that's just how it is in my head rivht now. Sorry. Have I even prnuqoly explained the isnwe? Am I bejng selfish? Some of the above rewds as quite seviddh. I'm feeling so much pressure thxlgh and feel as if I'll neuer have a noaqal sex life. I don't want to drag other petdle into my mess and I'm tepmzmged by the powgeobpcty that I'm gomng to let this woman down. Thrsks for reading anteojaurvR: I feel like my previous, senfyss relationship with a sex abuse viraim has skewed my outlook on sex. I'm still a virgin at 28 and I am extremely anxious abcut this, but I am seeing a fantastic woman and I'm wondering if I should cowgwde in her absut my worries or if there is any other way I can haojle this.